Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
