I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
