my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
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