I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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