Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
