I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
