Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
