So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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