We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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