If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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