sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
