i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
