I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
