I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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