I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
