they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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