Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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