I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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