had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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