a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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