that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
