Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize