you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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