Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
