i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
