i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
