Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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