I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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