Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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