Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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