I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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