Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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