some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
