I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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