This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
