omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
