a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
