I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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