I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
