Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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