There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
