"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
