You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
