be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
