hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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