Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
