Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
