If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
