hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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