Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
