Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
