So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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