I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
