ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
