I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
