Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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