Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
