Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
