Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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