but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
