hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
