oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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