she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
