based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
