i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
