I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
