the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
