Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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