there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
