I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
