From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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