You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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