I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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