Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
