I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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