he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
