Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you told grandpa to call you daddy
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
