Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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