I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
