My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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