Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
