I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
