You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
