I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
