I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
