I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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