I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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