its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
