I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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