you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
