so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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